Life is everchanging

Change is in the air.  Not just the cooler weather, our lives are up for some big changes.  About 2.5 years ago, when Rhone was born, I dreamt of being a stay at home mom or working part time, but it was just a dream.  I was putting my husband through undergraduate school and then grad school.  I knew it was going to be a long road.  But our life plans drastically changed this past August.  After being off of school KC finally had some extra time to research and really dive into this new part of his schooling which was Medical Physics.  Well with all this research came the unknown truth that basically this job he was seeking was not as it seemed 3 years ago.   The market had changed.  The regulations and requirements had changed drastically.  Instead of just 2 more years, it was now going to be 4 years (grad school + residency) with no guarantee of a job afterwards. So… after many talks, prayer, and research KC decided to quit.  There were mixed feelings for me.  I was the one who talked him into this field.  Was all this my fault?  Is going to school a huge mistake or was quitting a huge mistake?  It was hard, but with much prayer, we both knew that this was for the best and that God had a different plan for us.  Our new plan was that KC would get a job until next August when he can apply for graduate school in Engineering or medical Dosimetry.   For me this decision meant that potentially I could finally have my dream which was to be a stay at home mom, well for at least 1 year.  The idea, the hope that this could happen and that I could stay home for the first year of Lachlyn’s life was incredibly exciting for me.  I was all smiles.   Well…. reality came crashing down on me when week after week we waited for that big job offer and yet nobody was calling.  I realized that maybe back in the day, a Physics graduate would be able to get an engineering job, but in today’s economy that simply isn’t the case anymore.  After applying for over 200 jobs with little promise for a well enough paying job responding I started to get extremely discouraged. 

It’s funny to look back at the last year and think about all the different emotions I have gone through. 

In the beginning of the year I was pregnant and we were waiting and waiting for acceptance into graduate schools.  Finally… after months of waiting to know our future, we found out he got into U of A and we were going to stay here.  Staying in Tucson, for KC to go to school was bitter sweet.  I wanted him to get in so badly so he could finally start the last part of his schooling, but at the same time, I knew I was having Lachlyn and I so badly wanted to be a stay at home mom.  I can’t tell you how many times, I cried myself to sleep thinking how I was going to have to work with a new baby and a toddler.  So in June, my little Lachlyn was born.  KC and I both were off for 3 months with Rhone and our new little addition.  It was the best 3 months of my life!  We didn’t go anywhere, we didn’t vacations, we just stayed home and I soaked up every single little moment with her and my boys.  

KC is such a stronger person than me.  I have a very sensitive soul, and rejection just really hits me hard.  It gets to my core.  Add with the guilt a working mom deals with was a little too much for me.  I got depressed.  I tried to soak in the small things that matter so much to me when I was home.  When I got off of work, I would run home and I would attempt to hold and love on Lachlyn while playing with Rhone all night.  It was exhausting, but it was the only way I could get in my kid fix in those short 3-4 hours before bed time.  Some of my best memories were after I put Rhone to bed, I would stay up and for the next 2 hours, I would just rock and stare at Lachlyn while she slept.  Well, after 2 months of this, I was at my breaking point.  KC saw how hard it was for me, and we took a leap of faith and decided that for my health I was going to quit, KC would get a job at Albertsons or Costco, and we would move into a tiny apartment.  It was hard to know if this decision was the right one for our family.  However I am a strong believer in living life to the fullest now, because you never know what tomorrow will bring.  And seeing my kids grow while so young was something that I really wanted for myself and for them.  So last Monday morning I walked into my boss’s office, and told him that I was going to quit at the end of November.  When he asked me why, I proceeded to tell him that I really wanted to stay at home with our kids and that I was going to look for a part time job if and when we really needed help financially.  Then, God preformed a miracle.  My boss told me that he would try to get me a part time position at my current job, and I would be able to keep my health benefits.  This was a miracle because I have been asking for this for about 2 years.  But I was told over and over that it wouldn’t be possible.  At first I didn’t believe him; I didn’t want to get excited until it was an official position.  It took 2 weeks, 1 doctors meeting where they had to vote on it, and 1 stressed out boss, due to re-arrangement of schedules and starting next week I’m officially Part time.  I will work 3 days one week and 2 days the next week.  KC is going to look for a full time job to compensate some of our lost income, while waiting for a better job to come along.  It’s been such a great burden lifted off of myself.  I can keep my skills at work, we keep our medical benefits, and I get a lot more time home with Rhone and Lachlyn.  My marriage is a lot stronger, and I am able to take the pressure I had on KC and be able to relax and enjoy life instead of trying to always change it.  I have a new outlook on life now.  I owe it all to God.  I had prayed every night, cried for hours for this and he’s taught me many lessons and has blessed our family.